"Trying harder" doesn't work
Recently I had the privilege of touring a block of unique homes in my area as part of a fundraiser. Before I began the tour, I prayed that I would be honoring in my thoughts toward the interior design choices made in each home knowing that my tendency would be to either pick apart decorating choices OR allow the beauty in the homes to create a jealousy in me in terms of what I have or don't have in my own home. Well, I'm happy to say that, with the Holy Spirit's help, I was able to enjoy the different homeowners' choices without envy or critique.
Fast forward to church that evening. I sat in my chair and critiqued the entire service from beginning to end.
- I didn't like the first song and told my husband so;
- I complained at how long the promotional video was (a video describing an ongoing ministry and the good it was/is doing in our community);
- I felt sadness/jealousy that the piano player on stage wasn't me (I haven't been able to play much because of my prolonged health issues);
- I had something to say to my husband about the fact that the sound seemed to be off and consequently the singers didn't sound their best;
- I commented (AGAIN to my husband, poor guy) that I felt the sermon was disjointed;
- I didn't like the version of the closing song...and I complained once again to my husband about it;
- And, for the grand finale, I told my husband, in false humility, that when the pastor called for a time of repentance, I'd responded to his call and repented (I DID pray a brief, disingenuous prayer but allowed my husband to think it was more than it was).
So, how's that for "telling on myself?" I've done this to demonstrate the sin and hypocrisy that dwells deep in all our hearts (and if you can't find any, I suggest you look again...just sayin'). Although as believers in Jesus Christ we have been made "perfect" in God's sight through Christ's death and resurrection, we still live with a sin nature that wreaks havoc inside us daily. Our outward actions may be sanitized and under control most of the time but our hearts are full of feelings that reveal our deep capacity for selfishness, hatred, envy, revenge, unforgiveness, pride, self-righteousness and every other sin imaginable.
But here's the thing I really want you/us to know. Instead of being discouraged and ashamed when confronted head on with our inward sin and hypocrisy (which has been my modus operandi for years), we need to learn to embrace our weaknesses knowing that God allows a certain amount of "them" to remain so that he can teach us a greater understanding of his grace (if not, he could have wiped the slate clean once and for all and we'd all be in heaven by now!). What he's doing is actually a gift to us! 'HOW' you ask? Because God does all this in love - not with judgment or for punishment - in order to humble his child in a powerful way and crush the self-reliance and pride living in all of us.
This doesn't mean we give up trying to be obedient but it does offer us the ability to relax a bit in the Savior's never-ending love and forgiveness. Trust me...this works! Instead of "trying harder" to rid yourself of the above-mentioned sins, try "resting completely" in your Savior's arms. He'll love your socks off which will cause you to love him more which will in turn cause you to sin less.
Can I get an amen?