7 steps to maintaining and Restoring Relationships

A friend and I are re-reading what Publishers Weekly calls the "Best Selling Non-Fiction Hardback in History."  Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life:  What on earth am I here for?" has recently been revised and expanded and I'm finding, once again, it's primer truths to be timeless.  In fact, Day 20, "Restoring Broken Fellowship" was so textbook in terms of it's basic, Biblical truths that I summarized it in outline form, printed it up on card-stock, and gave it to any friend of mine that would take it. The following is the summary I produced (I apologize if my outline format conflicts with your system).  I suggest you print it up yourself so that you can refer to it in a moment's notice.

7 steps to Maintaining and Restoring Relationships

1.       Talk to God before talking to the person.

   i)        All relationships would go smoother if I would just talk to God first (instead of telling a friend…often gossip)

2.       Always take the initiative

   i)        It doesn’t matter whether I’m the offended or the offender, God wants me to make the first move

ii)       And, acting quickly reduces the spiritual damage to me:  unresolved conflict blocks my fellowship with God AND keeps my prayers from being answered

3.       Sympathize with the other person’s feelings

   i)        Use my ears more than my mouth.

(a)    Pay attention to them

(b)   Focus on their feelings

(c)    Begin with sympathy, not solutions

ii)       People don’t care what I know until they know I care

4.       Confess my part of the conflict

   i)        If I’m serious about restoring a relationship, I’ll begin by admitting my mistakes or sin.

(a)   By beginning humbly, I diffuse the other person’s anger and disarm their attack

5.       Attack the problem, not the person

   i)        I can’t fix the problem if I’m consumed with fixing the blame (…establishing who’s at fault)

ii)       How I say something and what I say is very important

6.       Cooperate as much as possible

i)        Peace always has a price tag.  It may cost me my pride or my self-centeredness. It’s worth it though!

7.       Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution

i)        I’m not going to always agree with someone (in other words, we may not find a resolution), but I need to at least make reconciliation happen

(a)    The issue may still be there, but I need to bury the hatchet for the sake of the reconciled relationship.  This honors God and creates harmony